ORLANDO, FL — Obese air travelers around the country have just announced plans to sit right next to you on your flight.

According to morbidly overweight persons scattered throughout America's airports, you'll have a large amount of company on every flight you ever take for the rest of your life.

"Ope! Sorry, coming through!" said several chubsters on their way to sit next to you. "Mind if we leave the armrests up for this flight? It's more comfortable that way. And where did you say you were getting off? We might have the same connecting flights, too, you know."

Sources said that you will feel really awkward as you desperately avoid brushing sweaty arm hairs with them for several hours.

"What's wrong with just settling in and getting friendly with your seatmates?" asked another person of size, preparing to comfortably sit right on your seat belt and watching you squirm with discomfort. "Personal space is for those richie-riches in second class anyway."

The announcement followed close on the heels of other fat travelers' plans to walk incredibly slowly down the middle aisle when you have a connecting flight, to take three times the normal amount of time in the TSA line right ahead of you, and to lean over to ask if you're going to finish those Biscoff cookies midway through the flight.

At publishing time, the nation's airlines had announced plans to only seat you next to restrooms.

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