NEW YORK — Trump's Tuesday speech at the United Nations Headquarters in Midtown Manhattan will officially be his last as he has announced plans to demolish the building and replace it with a tremendous UFC Arena.

"I'm sick of our great nation playing host to all these loser countries. We need to host winners," Trump said of his decision. "So we're tearing it all down. We're going to build the greatest UFC Arena in its place, it'll be absolutely beautiful. I might even put a chandelier in there. A nice gold chandelier over the Octagon. That's what they call it. An Oct-a-gon. But this is going to be an absolutely fabulous octagon like you wouldn't believe."

According to sources, in lieu of United Nations meetings, the President will invite representatives from each country to come and fight. Countries currently at war with each other may also schedule pay-per-view events at any time.

"Sure, there's losers in the Octagon, but there's also winners. You can't win without a loser," Trump explained. "That's a big improvement over the UN, where everyone is a loser and there are no winners."

At publishing time, Trump had announced the first event would be a fight between Emmanual Macron and whoever it was on the plane that slapped him.

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