MINNEAPOLIS, MN — As part of his revolutionary campaign platform, Minneapolis mayoral candidate Omar Fateh introduced a plan to revitalize the city by hijacking other cities and plundering their treasure.

The Somali-American running on a radical agenda wowed voters by unveiling an innovative idea to enrich Minneapolis by suddenly taking control of nearby cities and seizing everything they have under the threat of violence.

"I know many men trained in this exact process," Fateh told voters. "It's a very simple plan. Our city descends upon another unsuspecting city and threatens to kill it unless it gives everything it has to our city. Either it complies with our demands and gives us all of its treasure peacefully, or we kill the city and take what we want. Either way, Minneapolis becomes rich."

At the announcement, a crowd of supporters hollered in a foreign tongue and shot their AK-47s in the air.

Fateh said that the reason this type of plan has never been attempted before was the lack of strong Somali leadership. "We are the captains now," he continued. "Other cities beware. Minneapolis is now roaming the seas of Minnesota searching for its next victim. All your treasure will belong to us. We will take what we wish and then decide whether ot not to blow your city out of the water. That is my promise to the people of Minneapolis. Vote for me. Or else."

At publishing time, Fateh had further pledged to make Minneapolis every bit as safe and prosperous as Somalia.

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