VATICAN CITY — As the world waited to hear more about the condition of the ailing Pope Francis, rumors circulated that conservative media personality Matt Walsh was now considered to be the frontrunner to become the next pope.

While Pope Francis remained hospitalized with persistent health issues stemming from bronchitis and pneumonia, preparations were reportedly being made to officially elect Walsh and install him as the supreme pontiff of the Catholic Church.

"A set of plaid flannel papal robes are being made as we speak," Vatican spokesman Bishop Giovanni Tortellini said. "As we saw with President Trump's landslide victory in the United States, the world is turning in a more no-nonsense, conservative direction. We want the Church to follow suit, and there's no bigger no-nonsense conservative than Matt Walsh. Excuse me, my apologies… His Holiness Matt Walsh."

Walsh, who would be the first pope in over 300 years to have a beard, was pragmatic about the move. "It seems like a pretty sweet gig," he said. "It's not a done deal yet, obviously. They're still waiting to see if the old guy buys the farm, but they reached out to me to get the ball rolling. I was hesitant, but they said they were open to moving the Vatican to Nashville and I could still make my documentaries. I can't say much more, but I can say this: My first official proclamation will be banning raw milk. You're welcome, you disgusting botulism-infected raw milk drinkers."

At publishing time, the Vatican's negotiations to officially install Walsh as pope had hit a snag due to Jeremy Boreing refusing to let him out of his Daily Wire contract.

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