GRAND RAPIDS, MI — After experiencing a strong urge to eat a wicker basket, a man has decided to settle for the similarly rough texture and bland flavor of Triscuit snack crackers instead.

Triscuit, the well-known baked woven wheat wafers that have the mouthfeel and sensation of gnawing on wicker baskets, are very popular among certain demographics who lack tastebuds and don't mind having their mouth and gums cut by the sharp, abrasive surfaces. That experience was just what Michael Meijer was looking for when he found the box of Triscuits at his local Target.

"I was browsing through the home goods section here and saw all these delicious-looking wicker baskets," said Mr. Meijer. "They all looked so dry, fibrous, and tough, but the prices are through the roof now. At the end of the day, I settled on a box of Triscuits, which only cost me $3.49."

Scientists don't fully understand why some human beings buy and consume Triscuit snack crackers. Some scientists believe that the urge dates back to a primordial evolutionary period of homo sapiens' development when our ancestors might have ingested more fibrous materials like tree bark because they hadn't quite discovered what food was yet.

At publishing time, Mondelēz International, the global snack food company that owns Triscuit snack crackers, had announced a new Picnic Basket flavor to capitalize on this burgeoning market of wicker basket cravers.

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