CALABASAS HILLS, CA — Local diner Peter Riplinger caused a stir over the weekend when he refused to order food at the Cheesecake Factory unless provided with a copy of the menu in its original King James Version.

"I prefer the original King James Version for its poetic style and accuracy," Riplinger was seen telling a waiter. "I can't even tell what I'm ordering with this new-fangled 'menu', or whatever this is."

The "Cheesecake King James Version Only" (CKJV Only) movement emerged in the 1980s shortly after the menu underwent an update to accommodate contemporary customers. Advocates of the CKJV Only movement contend that the contemporary menu for The Cheesecake Factory deviates from the original intent of the text by downplaying certain ingredients or eliminating menu items altogether. They assert that the King James Version of the menu adheres to the Textus Receptus, the most reliable menu tradition, and employs a translation philosophy of formal equivalence rather than the dynamic equivalence employed by modern translations.

"See, this menu says 'Stuffed Cheddar Burger' but the original translation is 'Stuffeth Cheddar Burger,'" Riplinger explained. "I cannot with good conscience order from this menu."

According to witnesses, the situation reached a boiling point when Riplinger's waiter asked if he was ready to order, to which Riplinger simply said, "No. And I never will be." He then was then asked to leave, but refused, arguing that the customer was always right and that everyone in the restaurant was going to Cheesecake Hell.

At publishing time, Riplinger and a small group of CKJV Only-ists organized a protest against The Cheesecake Factory headquarters, carrying signs that read, "Thy Cheesecake, Not Thine."

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