COLLEGE STATION, TX — Despite their best efforts, man scientists remain completely baffled as to why women find men attractive whatsoever.

Countless hours of research have been performed in search of a single male attribute that would warrant female attraction, but thus far in vain.

"It makes no sense," sighed researcher Ben Rogers. "It's not that men are bad, we just can't figure out why women would be attracted to them. There is...literally nothing attractive about the male form. What do they see? Maybe women have bad eyes."

Though unsuccessful to date, the team of man scientists has vowed to continue their work. "I just look in the mirror and think, what in the world could my beautiful wife possibly be attracted to here?" wondered team member Jim Leigh. "I mean, it's just a rough sight. Plus, you could pick a lock with my nose. I don't get it, but we're not giving up."

At publishing time, the team had given up.

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