NEW YORK, NY — New York District Attorney Letitia James followed through on her threat to seize the property of Trump by grabbing up the former president's estate, Mar-a-lago. The top lawyer for the Big Apple then turned around and sold the property for $740 million.

"Some say I flipped the estate for 100% profit, but they're wrong," said James, "Since the property was assessed at $18 million by esteemed, incorruptible, real estate expert Judge Arthur Engoron, the state of New York came out with a profit of 4,100%."

Former President Donald Trump argued vehemently against the actions of DA Letitia James, saying she actually sold Mar-a-lago at a loss, claiming it was actually worth $30 billion-trillion.

"She's a horrible real estate businesswoman, to be honest," said Trump, "Plus she's really, really fat. I wouldn't date her even if she were selling Trump Tower back to me for a penny!"

At publishing time, New York Mayor Eric Adams had announced that, thanks to huge profits from the Mar-a-Lago seizure/sale, illegal immigrants would now each receive an American Express Black Card.

By now the whole internet has heard Ben Shapiro rapping, but did you know that there are actually two more verses they cut out of the track?