SACRAMENTO — Former Vice President Kamala Harris officially announced today that she would be stepping away from politics in order to spend more quality time with vodka.

Harris stated that in the wake of her defeat in the 2024 election, she spent time evaluating what her priorities were at this stage in life and discovered that it was vodka.

"I'm looking forward to finally being at home with vodka," said Harris. "See vodka, it's like a drink. It comes in a bottle, and you pour it into a glass, and then you drink it. Sometimes people say, 'Stop! That's too much vodka.' Haha! Then, you wake up. And that's basically vodka."

According to former aides, Harris tried to spend as much time with vodka as possible during her time in national politics, but work too often got in the way. "It's been hard on her, spending so many nights away from vodka," said longtime aide Ashley Morton. "You could tell she just no longer had the hunger for politics... just the thirst for vodka. I'm happy for her."

At publishing time, Harris and Tito's had reportedly had a sweet reunion at her old San Francisco home.

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