


WASHINGTON, DC — Organizers of the Presidential Groundhog Day Celebration report President Biden did, in fact, see his shadow after emerging from the West Wing late Tuesday Morning and immediately attempted to shake its hand.
"Hey lookathat," Biden commented to no one in particular. "It's old Bil whatshisname. C'mere Bill, let me shake your hand. Where'd you go, Bill?"
White House staff spent the better part of the morning trying to corral the President back indoors after photographers caught Biden chasing his own shadow around the historic Rose Garden with his arm awkwardly outstretched. At one point, Jill Biden grabbed her husband by the arm and escorted him away from the front gates.
"The President was definitely not trying to shake the hand of his shadow," White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre commented. "He was just getting a little morning exercise like all the young, energetic, totally alive presidents before him have done. He would never mistake his own shadow for say, an old college roommate. That's a vicious right-wing lie."
As of publishing time, Biden predicted another 6 weeks of ‘winterburgenphdtughergh' before heading inside for a five-hour nap.
By now the whole internet has heard Ben Shapiro rapping, but did you know that there are actually two more verses they cut out of the track?