GOLAN HEIGHTS — A pair of Gerasene herdsmen became confused when they witnessed Jesus, a known miracle worker, fail to cast out demons because He was speaking Aramaic instead of the proper Latin.

"Everyone knows demons only respond to Latin," said Frank Herdsman. "It's so obvious!"

The demon (actually a whole host of demons collectively called Legion) instead entered into what witnesses called intense negotiations before agreeing to move to a herd of swine. "If Jesus had just spoken Latin, I'd still have my kids," the herdsman said.

Following the failed exorcism, the herdsmen ran to town and told everyone how embarrassing it was. "This guy doesn't even speak Latin!" said Steve Herdsmen.

Jesus' disciples were reportedly discouraged by the event.

"This makes me question everything," said Peter, an apostle. "Why didn't He just use the obvious Latin phrases that make demons leave? I do it all the time."

At publishing time, Peter resolved to hold an ecumenical council where the church could agree on a formal Rite of Exorcism so that this would never happen again.

BIG NEWS: We made a movie, and you can watch the trailer NOW: