HOLLYWOOD, CA — Effective immediately, late night will have a new face, as news broke Thursday morning that Vice President JD Vance had agreed to take over as the host of ABC's Jimmy Kimmel Live!

The change came following news that the network had pulled Kimmel off the air indefinitely after controversial false statements he made regarding the assassination of Charlie Kirk, with sources within ABC revealing that the Trump administration had ordered the network to replace him with Vance.

"We're replacing Jimmy with someone talented and popular," Disney CEO Bob Iger reportedly said in a closed-door meeting. "We're going to pretend that we're being forced to do it by the government, but we're just happy to have a reason to make a switch. And once we heard that JD Vance was available, we knew we had to do it. JD is more likable than Jimmy, he's funnier than Jimmy, and he's even got a better beard. There's no comparison."

After the news was confirmed, Vice President Vance issued a statement. "I'm happy to take over," he said. "After guest-hosting Charlie's show the other day, I realized I have a knack for this hosting thing. Doing a late-night talk show can't be that hard, right? You put on a suit, you tell a few jokes, you ask celebrities questions and pretend to be interested in their answers. It's pretty much the same as attending a state dinner with the prime minister of Japan, really."

At publishing time, Jimmy Kimmel Live with JD Vance! was set to debut tomorrow night, with special guests James Woods, Rosanne Barr, and a musical performance by Kid Rock.

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