ANNAPOLIS, MD — As part of its push for diversity and inclusiveness in recruitment, the United States Navy has announced that it will provide unlimited Bud Light for all new recruits. The Navy hopes this offer will entice recruits of an even broader range of alternative lifestyles to join the service.

"This offer will entice exactly the type of recruits we're looking for," said Rear Admiral Alexis "Lex" Walker, who runs Navy Recruiting Command. "With drag queens serving as the face of Navy recruitment and Bud Light serving as our official recruitment beverage, we'll be narrowing our efforts to a very specific segment of the population... if you know what I mean," he said with a wink.

Though the Navy has come under fire as of late due to its promotion of diversity training and using an active-dut drag queen to bolster its recruiting efforts, leadership is confident that this is the right direction. "Our goal has nothing to do with creating or maintaining the finest seafaring fighting force in the world," Walker continued. "Our goal is all about making the United States Navy an absolutely fabulous and glittery place to enlist. Rainbows, unicorns, feather boas, false eyelashes, and pink wigs all around!"

At publishing time, the Navy's new recruiting initiatives were reportedly sputtering out of the gate, with the drag queen video being met with derision and entire truckloads of Bud Light still sitting untouched at Navy recruitment centers across the United States. Walker, meanwhile, was asking reporters why everyone suddenly finds it so funny that his rank is "Rear Admiral."

Use these foolproof ways to defend yourself even when you don’t have a gun.