WASHINGTON, D.C. — Ramifications were predicted to be felt for generations after today, as in a historic 6-3 Supreme Court decision, 3 justices were ruled to be morons.

The ruling came near the end of the U.S. Supreme Court's current term, leaving legal analysts around the country saying that the decision was sure to have a long-lasting impact on all future cases.

"This was a ruling that shifts the balance in the country," one expert said. "According to this 6-3 decision, three of the justices sitting on the Supreme Court as morons, with the three morons themselves providing the dissenting opinion."

Justice Clarence Thomas wrote the majority opinion, stating unequivocally that the dissenting justices were, in fact, idiots. "The evidence was clear," Thomas said. "Three of our colleagues are babbling fools. It is the opinion of this court that this be recognized and applied accordingly to all future cases brought before the court. Let the record also show that one of my dissenting colleagues got a pencil eraser stuck in her ear during closing arguments."

The dissenting opinion, written by Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, provided insight into the court's reasoning. "What does ‘dissent' mean?" Jackson asked. "How can the court conceivably rule that three of its justices are ‘morons' when there remains no consensus among the justices of what a woman is? Someone said Justice Kagan is an example of a woman, but she sure doesn't look like one to me. Also, what is an ‘opinion?'"

At publishing time, the court had issued an amended ruling on the case that would require all of the moron justices to pass a literacy test before joining in any future opinions.

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