UNION CITY, TN — "I would never trust a female pilot if my life depended on it," said local man Ray Strunk, who doesn't know how to change the wiper blades on his car.

Strunk's comments referred to a Delta Airlines public relations campaign celebrating an all-female crew, from pilot to baggage tosser.

"You'd never find me hitching a ride on a complicated flying machine piloted by a woman," said Strunk, who just last week had to ask a Home Depot employee which aisle the lag bolts were in and also what was a lag bolt. "Society shouldn't be forcing women into roles they will never succeed in."

Strunk was not alone in his belief that women should not operate complex machinery. In fact, countless other men who paid others to change the oil in their cars and relied on weird nephews to fix their computers held the same views that women were not up to certain tasks compared to men.

At publishing time, Ray Strunk had sat down to a dinner his wife had prepared using complex logistics, chemistry, multitasking prowess, and physical endurance, then told her the light switch wasn't fixed yet because he'd bought the wrong part at Home Depot.

Meet Carlos Renaldo, Jr. Experts believe he has saved over 3.8 billion lives by heroically wearing a mask alone while in the car. Is he a hero - or a superhero? You decide.