REHOBOTH BEACH, DE — Hunter Biden informed his father today that, due to an unexpected malfunction, he is going to be needing a new boat.

His prior boat apparently caught fire and exploded while going on a little outing through the southern Caribbean.

"The old boat, uh, died," explained Hunter to his father. "It's the darndest thing, you know? Just humming along in the Caribbean, on a dolphin tour, when... boom! It just blew up out of nowhere. So, yeah, I'm going to be needing a new boat pretty quick, before the drugs wear o -- I mean, before I get sad from losing my boat."

According to sources, Hunter had several friends on his old boat that he was really looking forward to seeing. "I'm super bummed to not get to see Juan, Julio, Juan, Eduardo, or Juan," said Hunter. "They were such good guys. They would always say these funny jokes, like, 'You better pay up or we'll kill your family!' I'm gonna miss them."

At publishing time, Hunter had also informed his dad he was going to need whatever the cash equivalent was of 10,000 kilos of fentanyl.

Woke Jesus is back with a new collection of socialist teachings for your edification.