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Government employees are fighting back against DOGE!
Federal employee unions are suing the Trump Administration over Elon's email to employees asking what they accomplished last week.
Now, to add to the lawsuit, they have made a list of demands. The Babylon Bee has acquired the complete list.
Here are the demands:
Employees will no longer be required to show up on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, or weekends: Showing up is an unreasonable expectation for a government employee.
Paid leave for the emotional trauma of being asked to work: The trauma is very real.
Paid travel expenses for trips from living room to home office: Sometimes you need a snack on the way. Who's going to pay for that?
Thinking about work counts: Obviously.
No one can lose their job for any reason, even if they die: This is just basic human decency.
Documentary cameras follow everyone around so employees can make that face at the camera like Jim from the Office: We've always wanted to do that.
Personal locksmith to follow each employee around: You know, just in case.
Break room must contain a Mr. Coffee AND a Mrs. Coffee: Gender equality is a non-negotiable.
Tell us we are pretty: Please, just once.
Trump must resign and also apologize: And then die.
What do you think of these demands? Do you think the administration will capitulate? Let us know in the comments.
NOT SATIRE: Federal government unions are likely costing taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars to negotiate over things that don't benefit public servants or serve taxpayers — like the height of cubicle dividers, the ability to smoke on tobacco-free federal property, and even the right to wear spandex at the office. And no one knows exactly how much the federal government is spending to negotiate with these unions.
Taxpayers deserve to know how their hard-earned money is being spent when it comes to federal collective bargaining. Sign I4AW's pledge to expose this waste of taxpayer money:
Sign I4AW's pledge to expose this waste of taxpayer money.
Purchasing congresspeople has never been easier for lobbyists!