FORT DODGE, IA — A spiritual sigh could briefly be heard breaking through the veil separating worlds as local man Edgar Russell settled down for an evening of watching Netflix and eating Pringles as his guardian angel stood dutifully over him to make sure he didn't choke.

Russell had never before claimed a supernatural experience, but he later recalled feeling like someone was in the room with him as he binged TV and ate a bunch of junk food. "Maybe my guardian angel was watching over me," he said with a thoughtful gaze at the sky even though the guardian angel was invisibly standing right next to him. Spiritual sources say this statement by Russel elicited an eye roll from his spiritual guardian.

"I almost wish he would choke," the angel said. "That would at least be exciting."

The guardian angel, identified by heavenly sources as Samuel, has requested transfer to a new soul approximately fourteen times despite being with Russel since his birth. Samuel's transfer requests have all been denied.

Samuel said, "Some angels get assigned to exciting people. Raphael has been watching over Trump his whole life — man, what a job. Turning his head at the last second to avoid a headshot was awesome. But here I am with Edgar. He kind of just sits there most days. Today we're watching The DaVinci Code. I hate that movie."

At publishing time, the angel briefly saw some action as Russell aspirated his diet coke.

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