WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats in Congress have angrily demanded answers as to who repeatedly lied to the American people in order to cover up former President Biden's cognitive decline.

Faced with a fresh set of overwhelming evidence that Biden could no longer function by the end of his term, Democrats sought to know who was responsible for engaging in widespread deception to allow a mentally incapacitated man to remain the most powerful person in the world.

"Who would do this?" cried Senator Chuck Schumer, hands clenched in fury. "Someone has attempted to perpetrate the largest, most brazen political cover up in American history, and I will not rest until they are discovered. These disgusting, shameless liars must explain themselves to the American public."

With aides anonymously confirming that Biden was often incoherent, could not recognize old friends, and would soon not be able to walk, Democrats were left furious as to why no one spoke up. "If people would lie about the mental incompetence of the man trusted with nuclear codes, how could we ever trust them about anything again?" said Representative Hakeem Jeffries. "The people who had the audacity to blame Biden's actions on a stutter, a cold, or 'deepfakes' must be brought to justice."

At publishing time, Democrats had also demanded to know who had worked to cover up the raging alcoholism of former Vice President Kamala Harris.

Meet Chuck, a Nazi with an identity crisis.