FLATWOODS, KY — The Joneses, a local family of five that can no longer afford to buy groceries, is taking comfort in the inspiring knowledge that the Biden Administration is more diverse than any administration in history.

"Listen, Timmy, I know you're hungry but remember — the Transportation Secretary is gay! Isn't that great?" said Mark Jones to his son. "It sure makes you feel warm inside, doesn't it? Almost feels like a full belly!"

"Don't worry, we'll buy another bag of potatoes next week."

The family reported they have been struggling to pay the bills with rising gas and energy prices, skyrocketing food prices, and record inflation. To help them cope with their suffering, they take time each day to remind themselves that the Defense Secretary is black, the State Department Spokesperson is gay, and the Press Secretary is both black and gay. "Whenever we're tempted to feel sad, we should think about the diversity of the President's cabinet," said Nancy Jones to her daughter. "Nothing is more important than diversity! Yay!"

Sources in Washington say diversity is the number one concern of the average American, and that Biden plans to bring even more diversity to leadership. "We're not going to stop until literally every federal bureaucrat is a queer minority, folks," said Biden. "It's what the American people want!"

At publishing time, the Joneses had been unable to buy a home due to skyrocketing interest rates, but they took comfort in knowing that the Treasury Secretary is a woman.

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