LONDON — In a courageous display of British defense of law and order, English bobbies were seen racing past five stabbings to tackle an offensive social media poster.

Eyewitnesses report that a crack team of bearskin-cap-clad laddies dexterously avoided five illegal migrants who were engaged in bloody mass stabbing episodes as the British officers rushed to take down a man about to share an offensive meme on X.

"Oi mate! Gor, that's a racist meme you got there, innit?" one of the constables was heard to say, sidestepping a Muslim stabber and tackling the dangerous social media poster. "Now then, you know that's not allowed, wot-wot? Thumbs off that send button, me laddy-buck! Chuck us that blimey 'andy now and step lively. We won't stand for that hate speech, not under 'Is Nibbs' rule, no we won't."

Sources say that the bobbies successfully neutralized the threat to justice and public order by confiscating his cell phone and making him apologize to the Ottoman Empire for being white and colonialist. They then walked back past the mass stabbings for a nice cuppa at the local tea shoppe.

"B'Jove — I could do that one day!" a star-struck, wondering street urchin was heard to say. "Just nabbed the bloomin' blighter and carried right on like it warn't nothin' or anything like that."

The urchin's comments were cut short as he was suddenly accosted by a migrant with a long knife.

At publishing time, the constables had received promotions after preserving British law and order by arresting an old grandmother who was praying as she walked along the street.

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