GENEVA — History was unmade this week after a time traveler went back in time to kill Adolf Hitler to prevent World War II and the extermination of six million Jews. However, in a cruel twist of fate, he now had no one to compare people he disagrees with to.

Time traveler Keith Dennison reportedly utilized CERN's Large Hadron Collider to travel back to 1907 and kill an 18-year-old Adolf Hitler as he was applying for the Academy of Fine Arts. But, in so doing, he erased the memory of Hitler throughout the world, and now no one knows what Dennison is talking about if he calls someone Hitler.

"I'm not sure it was worth saving the world now that I can't compare people to Hitler," Dennison said, reflecting on his mission's success. "I can't use that as a slam-dunk to win arguments anymore."

According to sources, Dennison was also woefully unprepared for what a future without Hitler would look like. Without Hitler to rally the might of nations, Joseph Stalin rose to power unchecked and wiped out half the world's population. What eventually did become known as World War II was a global conflict spanning decades that ended with the United States in ruin and the USSR as a major superpower. But, worst of all, no one could quickly win an argument by calling their opponent "literally Hitler." And for Dennison, nothing could have been worse.

"Hitler, who's that?" said a Starbucks barista after Dennison claimed she was serving drinks like the German despot. "What are you talking about?"

The forlorn time traveler had no comeback. "Oh yeah," he said instead, hanging his head. "I... never mind."

At publishing time, Keith Dennison was forced to use actual facts when arguing with people instead of calling them names because nothing had quite the same impact as comparing them to Hitler.

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