U.S. — Kristi Noem's penchant for putting down untrainable animals has made her popular with Democrats following the 2024 Presidential Debate that ended Thursday night. Her phone has been ringing off the hook ever since. Democrats from all over the country are calling to implore the South Dakota Governor to "please please" take Biden out behind the White House shed and put him out of his misery.

"I just can't imagine how hard it must be for the poor guy," said one caller, later identified as California Governor Gavin Newsom. "The president can barely move. That's not a life worth living. He deserves the dignity of .... you know .... the thing."

Other callers didn't beat around the bush so much. "He's blowing it for all of us!" Vice President Kamala Harris argued. "Just take him back there and bury him in a box or something, okay? Hahahaha!"

"Kamala? It's 3 in the morning!" Noem reportedly said, outraged. But all she could hear on the other line was laughter.

Political experts suggest Gov Noem may be exactly what the world needs right now. "She's the only human that can do it," political commentator James Carville told reporters. "I certainly couldn't kill anyone that wasn't an unborn baby."

According to sources, Kristi Noem has refused all requests to take Biden out behind the White House shed, believing that Democrats should sleep in the bed they made.

"I'm afraid that if anyone needs to be taken out behind the shed, it's you," Noem told former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

At publishing time, Kristi Noem reluctantly accepted the job after realizing it was her only chance to hunt the most dangerous game.

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