BOSTON, MA — In a surprising show of benevolence, the compassionate and merciful USA hockey team allowed Team Canada to defeat them in the finals of the 4 Nations Face-Off.

The Americans collectively decided that they had had enough winning and wanted to let their downtrodden neighbors to the north pick up a rare victory.

"We just thought they could use a win," said Team USA coach Mike Sullivan. "It was kind of fun actually. It was like playing in the pee-wee league where you pull back so the other team's parents can take a turn being proud of their kids."

The exciting final match of the 4 Nations Face-Off Championship Game ended in overtime when American players backed away to allow Canadian Connor McDavid to score the game-winning goal. It was a remarkable achievement for the Canadian team, made only slightly less meaningful when they later discovered that America had let them win.

"I was a fool to think we beat them fair and square," McDavid said during the postgame press conference. "But it feels good anyway, eh? Thank you, Team USA. What a class act, eh?"

Team USA goalie Connor Hellebuyck recounted the fear he felt during the third period when Team Canada scored zero goals. "We stopped trying to score during the third period. Canada wasn't throwing anything at me. I was almost afraid we were going to win by accident."

At publishing time, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau made a fool of himself by gloating over the win on X, not yet having realized that Team USA lost on purpose.

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