U.S. — Following dueling tariff increases heading into the weekend, no end to the trade war between China and the United States was in sight, with the latest reports indicating that President Donald Trump had taken the situation up a notch by designating Panda Express as a domestic terror organization.

The startling move came just hours after China increased its tariffs on U.S. goods to 125%. Trump spoke with reporters in the Oval Office early Friday morning to confirm that the popular Chinese fast-food chain was now officially classified as an enemy of the state.

"No longer will we tolerate these restaurants with foreign ties to operate within our borders," Trump said. "For far too long, while the Chinese government has taken advantage of our country through unethical trade practices, we have watched the influence of Panda Express grow throughout America. No more. Have you had their chow mein? Way too much shredded cabbage. Very few noodles, it's very sad, I must say. Those days are over."

White House insiders said the president had nearly designated Panda Express as a domestic terror organization earlier this year after learning they had discontinued the practice of letting customers taste free samples of dishes with little toothpicks. "He was talked out of it then," one source said. "It turns out, once again, his instincts were right. Panda Express is bad news, and the United States is on to them."

At publishing time, President Trump had ordered the Department of Justice to launch a full investigation into why Panda Express's Kung Pao chicken had so few pieces of chicken in it.

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