THOUSAND OAKS, CA — In an exclusive new interview to prompt the upcoming release of her tell-all memoir The Woman in Me, pop music star Britney Spears revealed that if she hadn't had an abortion when she was 19, she may have ended up going completely crazy.

"I would have really gone off the deep end mentally," Spears said as she danced erratically in her kitchen while wearing a bikini and holding a butcher knife in each hand. "If I hadn't ended the life of my own unborn child, it would have probably resulted in setting me on a downward spiral full of public breakdowns, troubling behavior, the loss of my career, and who knows what else."

Among other revelations in her book, Spears disclosed her former boyfriend Justin Timberlake got her pregnant and urged her to have an abortion. Fans were shocked by the news. "How could Justin do that?!" asked lifelong Britney fan Liz Hulette. "Who would have ever thought that someone involved in the Hollywood and entertainment industry would be so self-serving and awful? Shocking."

At publishing time, Spears had expressed belief the abortion helped her dodge a bullet. "Could you imagine what might have happened if I had had a baby when I was that young?" she shouted while cutting a loaf of bread with a chainsaw.

Kyle Mann was just minding his own business, when- BOOP! A wild Gender Fairy appeared!