KYIV — After a surprise visit to Ukraine and a photo op with Ukrainian President Zelenskyy, some are pressing Biden on the environmental crisis in East Palestine. He finally broke his silence on the issue to reporters by suggesting those affected just give up drinking water for Lent.

"Listen, folks, Lent is here. Perfect timing! Not a joke!" said the President in response to a reporter. "If you're concerned about chemicals or whatever in the drinking water, just give up drinking water for Lent! Simple as that! Don't drink it! What a great opportunity to avoid toxic water while observing Lent!"

Biden then smiled to himself as he was pleased with the brilliant solution he had just offered.

Sources close to Biden say he also plans to give up something for Lent, although no one knows what it is since he said he plans to give up "flibberblorfzeprefler."

"That's right, 40 days without one single sniff of flibberblorfzeprefler!" said Biden. "If I can go without that for that long, you can go without water!"

At publishing time, the President also pledged aid to residents of East Palestine as long as they join the Ukrainian military.

This man is under arrest - for MANSPLAINING!