THE AMERICA ONE NEWS
Jun 6, 2025  |  
0
 | Remer,MN
Sponsor:  QWIKET 
Sponsor:  QWIKET 
Sponsor:  QWIKET: Elevate your fantasy game! Interactive Sports Knowledge.
Sponsor:  QWIKET: Elevate your fantasy game! Interactive Sports Knowledge and Reasoning Support for Fantasy Sports and Betting Enthusiasts.
back  
topic
Babylon Bee
The Babylon Bee
9 May 2024


NextImg:Biden Strikes Deal Where Hamas Gets To Keep American Hostages In Exchange For Fifteen Votes In Michigan

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what the media hailed as a triumphant victory for diplomacy, President Joe Biden struck a deal where Hamas gets to keep all its American hostages in exchange for Biden receiving 15 votes in Michigan this November.

Political analysts cited the deal as a crucial element in Biden's re-election strategy, with the 15 additional votes he'll receive in Michigan adding to the several hundred thousand untraceable mail-in ballots to give him a sizeable advantage — all at the low cost of Hamas's American hostages.

"It's the product of masterful negotiation," one White House insider said. "The election is going to be a close one, so the president needs every vote he can get. Allowing Hamas to keep their American hostages in return for guaranteeing 15 votes in Michigan is a real coup. The president is confident that the Americans being held hostage by Hamas would be proud to sacrifice themselves to make sure he gets re-elected."

When asked to comment on the deal, President Biden downplayed its importance. "I didn't do that," he said. "Listen, folks. I will not make any deal that leaves American lives in the hands of terrorists. What I did was nod my head when someone asked me if I wanted 15 more votes in Michigan. And they also said I could have ice cream. I like chocolate chip ice cream. Anyway…"

At publishing time, the White House had confirmed reports that they also agreed to send a dozen pallets of cash to Hamas in exchange for assurances that Biden would win Michigan.

Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.