WASHINGTON, D.C. — As he enters his last week as Commander in Chief of the United States, President Joe Biden was reportedly up all night wracking his brain to figure out what else he can screw up before his term ends.

"Come on, man! Think!" a furious Biden reportedly screamed during an emergency cabinet meeting. "The fires in California are taking the wind out of my sales, Jack. I've got to mess up something big."

To date, Joe Biden has destroyed the American economy, overseen an invasion of illegal aliens, given Afghanistan terrorists advanced military weaponry and cost the lives of marines, facilitated Iran's funding of Hamas to conduct a terrorist attack on Israel and start a full-blown war in the Middle East, shut down the Nord Stream 2 pipeline to empower Russia and bring about the invasion of Ukraine, and had his dog Major bite two people. But, according to the president, it's just not enough.

"My legacy is at stake, fat," Biden told his cabinet. "What have you got?"

According to sources, several ideas were put forward, such as banning electricity or invading Israel. However, all proposals were rejected for not being "big enough."

"Sir, we have reached damage equilibrium," Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen said, according to a record of the cabinet's meeting. "You've already broken everything!"

Biden has since relieved Janet Yellen of her duties.

At publishing time, Joe Biden settled on a plan to detonate a nuclear explosion on the San Andreas Fault to cause half of California to fall into the ocean.

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