WASHINGTON, D.C. — Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has come out on the decidedly losing end of a debate against a cardboard cutout of Charlie Kirk.

Despite her best efforts, AOC simply could not outclass the piece of cardboard set up to oppose her.

"Alright, you got me this time, Cardboard Charlie," said AOC. "I tried to defeat fascism and bigotry, but today, it was too strong. Even for me."

Then, staring down the cardboard cutout, AOC cried, "You haven't heard the last of me, you hate-spewing paper product! I'll get you next time, Cardboard Charlie!"

According to eyewitnesses, the debate started off with AOC declaring that Kirk opposed the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which gave Black people the right to vote. As Cardboard Charlie stood unblinking, a Black member of the audience gently informed AOC that he had voted in 1960, and that she might be thinking of something called the 15th amendment passed in 1870.

"Well, well. I guess that's one point for you, Charlie," growled AOC.

The rest of the debate proceeded in similar fashion. Sources on the ground declined to provide any additional specifics after AOC threatened to eat them.

At publishing time, AOC had called on the country to unite, but to please wait until after she was done attacking a man who was just assassinated.

Tony asks questions about everything in his life. Is he a crazy conspiracy theorist?