PITTSBURGH, PA — Social justice warriors scored another victory today, as retail chain American Eagle issued a public apology and replaced Sydney Sweeney in its ad campaign with a fat, transgender double amputee of color.

The new campaign featuring Sweeney had caused controversy after American Eagle was accused of choosing an attractive young Caucasian woman to sell their clothing, which is a well-known Nazi dog whistle.

The company aimed to quickly rectify this by replacing Sweeney with the most intersectionally diverse fashion model of all time.

"We're really sorry for giving people someone pleasant to look at," said American Eagle spokesperson Eliott Dorton. "We mistakenly believed that featuring a beautiful women wearing our jeans would make people want to see our commercials and buy our products, but we instead unintentionally outed ourselves as horribly racist Nazis. We deeply apologize to anyone who was offended by someone visually appealing, and we have officially changed course today by replacing Ms. Sweeney with Chantrese Underwood, a body-positive disabled man who identifies as a woman. We trust that this correction will put us back in everyone's good graces. Thank you."

The brand's new face was thrilled to get the call. "I'm grateful for the opportunity," Underwood said. "As a fat, transgender double amputee of color, I haven't seen much representation in fashion ads, so it's nice to be a part of changing that. I look forward to rolling my chair down the runway and showing the world just how fat and transgender I can be."

At publishing time, American Eagle had also issued a formal apology for its prominent depictions of the American flag, eagles, and the fact that the word "American" is in its name.

The Washington Commanders aren't the only sports team in Trump's crosshairs.