WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Dulles International Airport has announced an additional convenience for travelers arriving in the nation's capital. Starting next week, passengers will be able to skip the hassle of waiting at the baggage claim and will instead be directed directly to Sam Brinton's House.

"We're thrilled to be offering this new, streamlined baggage recovery process," said Washington Port Authority President Weston Jabba. "No longer will travelers have to wonder whether their valuable luggage is in the baggage claim or in Sam Brinton's closet. Now, they can take a shuttle directly to his house to pick up their stuff."

Sources with Dulles International assured passengers their belongings will be safe and secure, although some articles of clothing may be searched and worn by the cross-dressing former nuclear waste official before being returned to their owners. "This was the only compensation he requested in exchange for his services," said Jabba.

At publishing time, the airport had offered to save customers even more time and headaches by canceling all flights into D.C. altogether.

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