BURBANK, CA — What had been a week of upheaval in the late-night television landscape came full circle on Monday, as ABC announced that they were unfiring Jimmy Kimmel for offensive comments so they could instead fire him for not being funny.

The host of Jimmy Kimmel Live! Had been suspended since last week after making false on-air statements about the man arrested for shooting conservative activist Charlie Kirk, but the network revealed that it was reversing course and returning Kimmel to his position so it could remove him for a totally different reason.

"We've come to an agreement to bring Jimmy back so we can get rid of him," said Disney CEO Bob Iger. "He upset a lot of people — tens of millions of viewers, advertisers, and a lot of our network affiliates — but we're going to allow him to come back on the air so we can fire him for being completely and horribly unfunny."

Network sources confirmed that executives had concluded that the best way to avoid controversy would be to bring Jimmy back so he can continue to angrily rant at the camera until the rest of his ratings evaporate. "This time he won't be able to complain about it," one insider said. "He may be allowed to be a mean-spirited, dishonest jerk, but his contract clearly states that he is not allowed to be an unfunny, mean-spirited, dishonest jerk."

At publishing time, Kimmel was reportedly hard at work trying to stuff his monologues with as many seething, unfunny jokes as possible before he got fired again.

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