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The importance of a father in a young boy's life cannot be overstated. There's just certain knowledge that can only be imparted to a boy by his father, and if that doesn't happen, society will crumble.
The Babylon Bee is here to save civilization with the following list of the most important things every father must teach his sons:
- How to get all goals in one run of the Warehouse in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater: Nothing will set him up for success in life like this.
- How to look manly while driving a minivan: It's a challenging skill to develop, but it can be done.
- Communism is gay: This was once taught in all history books. Now it's up to you.
- How to open your wife's Amazon boxes with a pocket knife: This is a vital skill as it will occupy most of his time as an adult.
- How to order from the secret menu at In-N-Out: The only way to get a Flying Dutchman and a Neopolitan shake.
- How to start a fire with nothing but an entire bottle of lighter fluid and a butane lighter: The same way man has been making fire for thousands of years.
- The art of running around the house turning off every light all day: Electricity isn't free, people!
- How to mow the lawn with those cool lines: You can tell a lot about a man by his yard.
- Han shot first: Only gay communists will tell you otherwise.
Making sure your son knows everything on the list above will set him up to be a productive member of society.
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By now the whole internet has heard Ben Shapiro rapping, but did you know that there are actually two more verses they cut out of the track?