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People are always asking us: how do the writers at the Bee stay so hot and youthful? We decided to do the world a favor and give everyone a few tips on how you too can instantly become more attractive:
If you're a man, grow a beard. If you're a woman, shave your beard: The results will be stunning.
Trade faces with someone attractive like in that movie Face/Off: Dibs on Tom Homan.
Star your own space exploration company with the billions of dollars you have: People will be on you like butter on toast.
Get everyone else on earth very drunk: Wow. Everyone thinks you're so sexy now.
Get one of those Mission: Impossible masks made of your face back when you were young and good looking: You'll be amazed how well this works.
Put on a Princess Leia outfit: Unless you already did the thing where you traded faces with Tom Homan.
Take off your glasses so you can't see: Well hey there, good looking.
Follow these beauty tips and you'll be attractive and youthful looking in no time. Honestly, it's so simple. Why does anyone bother being ugly?
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Tony asks questions about everything in his life. Is he a crazy conspiracy theorist?