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The Babylon Bee
29 Jan 2024

Capitalism is a brutal system in which people can freely trade goods and services. Sadly, it is the poor who suffer most under capitalism, but it can be slightly hard to detect.
Here are ten signs you're poor in a capitalist system:
- Instead of a mansion, you live in a 2-bedroom ranch-style home: You're basically homeless.
- Only have a two-car garage: All the junk you store in your garage has left no room for the Volvo.
- You only have a 55-inch TV: And the recommended size for the viewing distance in your living room is 75-inch. Sad.
- You can only afford to leave the minimum tip on your DoorDash order: Now you're making someone else poor.
- When you visit Disneyland it's via a single-day one-park pass: You'll never get to ride Web Slingers: A Spider-Man Adventure.
- Instead of an in-ground, you have a lame above-ground pool: What an eyesore.
- Had to cancel your Paramount+ subscription, leaving you with just Netflix, Disney+, Hulu, Amazon Prime, Peacock, HBO Max, and AppleTV as viewing options: Is this even America?
- You took out $120,000 in student loans to get a worthless degree in horse whispering: You don't even own any horses.
- Your French Bulldogs have to wear off-brand sweater vests instead of a designer peacock ball gown worth $94,000: Unthinkable.
- You can't afford to get rid of your Tesla even though you hate Elon Musk: Everyone at Whole Foods thinks you support him now.
If any of these describe you're live, we're sorry you're poor.
The Babylon Bee has been known to accurately predict the future.