President Trump's "Big, Beautiful Bill" is all the talk these days, but few people actually know what's really in it.
To keep voters informed, The Babylon Bee has read the entire 7,849, 432-page bill and found the best parts. Here's a rundown:
$5 trillion to convert the debt ceiling into a vaulted debt ceiling: It really opens up our national debt into an airy and luxurious space.
$800 billion in aid to foreign countries we have to borrow $800 billion from to give them aid: Circle of life.
$2.25 to reimburse Trump for the time the White House vending machine stole his money and didn't give him his Diet Coke: He's been living with that loss for long enough.
$100 million to make all four faces on Mt. Rushmore into Trump: It should only feature the best presidents.
$1.5 million to put a McDonald's restaurant in the White House: This includes the additional funding the Secret Service needs to keep an eye out for the Hamburglar.
$1 trillion in waste, fraud, and abuse: It gets its own line-item thanks to the most transparent administration in history.
$50 million to furnish the White House with Nintendo Switch 2s: You can't beat that price for 4 of them.
$400 million to advertise the bill as the biggest tax cut in history, despite the fact that it only keeps in place existing tax cuts: They're so big, though. Or they were when they were first implemented.
$750 billion to create a strategic spray-tan reserve: Trump is looking to the long term.
$560 billion to figure out why the national debt is so high: We have to find out how this happened.
What's not to love about everything on that list? What are you hoping to be included? Post your wishlists in the comments.
These British police officers are keeping the streets safe from dangerous weapons.