When identity is derived from insecurities about our bodies, it’s like looking in a funhouse mirror, hoping it will give us an accurate reflection of who we are. 

I grew up in the modeling industry, in which perfection was the standard. As a professional model for 15 years represented by Ford Models, I appeared in Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and Teen and worked with designers such as Giorgio Armani. 

While walking the runway, I descended into an eating disorder. At the root of my body dysmorphia was a stolen identity. The modeling business trains young women to fixate on people’s perceptions of us, our physical flaws, and media images to “tell us who we are.” I saw models suffer from anorexia, self-hatred, and depression over their bodies. I left modeling with a shattered self-esteem and returned to school to get a master’s in writing. Since then, I have written eight books on women’s self-esteem, body image, and identity that help young women find peace in their own skin.

So when a tidal wave of girls rejecting their bodies swept the nation, I paid close attention. 

I am horrified by the claim that children are “born in the wrong body.” This outrageous statement denies children an essential key to a healthy body image. They are not flawed. 

We would never tell a child with Down syndrome or cystic fibrosis they were born in the wrong body. We would never affirm an anorexic girl in her desire to be thinner. And we would hope that doctors, therapists, and teachers would never lie to children by telling them they can change their gender. And yet the “affirmation-only” model that too many of our healthcare and educational institutions are pushing does just that. It’s a slippery slope that begins with a lie and can end with medical intervention that leaves children infertile, mutilated, and with a fractured sense of self.

The United States is moving forward full-throttle with this approach, brainwashing children into believing that sex and gender are separate realities. Teen Vogue told its 2 million-plus subscribers, “Binary is bulls***! This idea that the body is either male or female is totally wrong. … Trans women are not biological men. … A trans woman’s biology is a female biology.” American Girl’s latest body image book told fourth through sixth grade girls they can “halt puberty” with drugs until they “decide” their gender, even without their parent’s consent. LEGO touted an “alphabet of identities” for children as young as 3, with “B” standing for bisexual and “I” for intersex.

It should come as no surprise, then, that 87.9% of LGBT-identifying youth are declaring a “sexual identity” when they are just 13 years old — and sometimes younger. In my community of Colleyville, Texas, girls are claiming to be bisexual in sixth grade.

Telling children their feelings define who they are is a lie. Sexual abuse victims, for example, tie their sexuality to pain, shame, and trauma. Telling them their identity is their sexual urges or discomfort in their bodies leaves them shamed and confused. Likewise, gender ideology deceives young people into believing sexuality is the basis for their personal worth. It teaches children sexuality is identity, but it is not. 

The LGBT movement demonizes those who refuse to lie to children. This happened to me when I called an 11-year-old “dear” rather than by his nonbinary name. His parents sent me a graphic funded by the Biden administration that said people who do not “affirm” the child’s “gender identity” should be cut off from the relationship, which I was. President Joe Biden has also told parents to get LGBT mentors for their children and take them to Pride parades to affirm “who they really are.”

But to help young people find their identity, we must be willing to speak the truth. Male and female are not the same, and children are never born in the wrong body. Sexuality is not identity, and gender ideology is “exactly what Satan wants you to believe … that mortals can play God,” as former NCAA swimmer Riley Gaines put it. 

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We must also give our youth a meaningful definition of personal worth. We must help them focus on their gifts and talents and find their identity in God’s eyes. 

To be successful at this, strong mothers and fathers must stand up for the definitions of “man” and “woman,” which bring life to the human family. Ultimately, male-female unity is the answer to this problem. Together, we can teach children their true identity, one child at a time.

Jennifer Strickland is a TEDx speaker, host of the I am a Woman podcast, and an eight-time author, including titles such as Girl Perfect, Beautiful Lies, and her most recent release, I Am a Woman: Taking Back Our Name.