The mother of the 14-year-old boy who opened fire in a Georgia high school this month, killing four people, apologized to the families of the victims in an open letter.

The Sept. 4 shooting at Apalachee High School in Barrow County, Georgia, left two students and two teachers dead and another nine people injured. Marcee Gray, the mother of the gunman, wrote in the letter shared with CNN that she wants “to say that I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart” to the families of those affected by the shooting.

The gunman and his father were both criminally charged for the shooting. The gunman was charged with four counts of felony murder, while the father was charged with four counts of involuntary manslaughter, two counts of second-degree murder, and eight counts of cruelty to children. The students killed were Mason Schermerhorn, 14, and Christian Angulo, 14, and the two teachers killed were Richard Aspinwall, 39, and Cristina Irimie, 53.

“If I could take the place of Mason and Christian, I would without a second thought,” Gray wrote in the letter.

She also expressed sympathy for the teachers, saying her “heart breaks for the 2 teachers who gave their lives while in the service of teaching and protecting our children.”

Gray also asked for prayers regarding her son, who she claims is “not a monster,” and called the current moment a “nightmare.”

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“We are all in a living nightmare right now, and I will personally never forgive myself for what has happened,” Gray wrote in the letter. “My son Colt is not a monster. He is my oldest baby. He is quiet, thoughtful, caring, funny, and extremely intelligent. Please pray for him and the rest of our family, as I am praying for all of you every moment of every day.”

The Washington Post reported earlier this month that Gray had called the school on the day of the shooting, warning a counselor of an “extreme emergency” with her son before he opened fire.