“Eldest daughter syndrome” is a trending phrase on social media and the online press . What is it?

Cosmopolitan and the Atlantic recently had takes on “eldest daughter syndrome,” and the definition seemed bifurcated. On the one hand, both magazines noted that parents tend to be more demanding of and anxious about their firstborn, but then they chill out with the later children. CAN TRUMP MAKE OBAMACARE REPLACEMENT A RALLYING CRY FOR GOP AGAIN?

This is actually an argument for having a bunch of children: If parents are more appropriately relaxed for younger children, then larger families means a higher percentage of children will be younger siblings, and eventually, a higher portion of the population will be well-adjusted.

Also, it ties in with an argument I make in my forthcoming book: that our culture demands maximum-effort parenting, and this is bad.

But this isn’t mostly what the writers and influencers mean by “eldest daughter syndrome.” It is the fact that eldest daughters are often responsible for caring for their little brothers and sisters.

“Older siblings are often asked to serve as babysitters, role models , and advice-givers for their younger siblings,” the Atlantic piece fretted. “Younger siblings may rely on their older siblings to guide and protect them,” a “boundaries expert” interviewed by Cosmopolitan noted.

The talk about “eldest daughter syndrome” includes plenty of worry about “emotional labor.”

Of course, gender plays a role here. Cosmopolitan’s “boundaries expert” noted: “Women, even as children, are expected to be caregivers more so than men, and this can be either looking after young siblings or, if you have a disabled member of your family, taking up the bulk of the care work.”

This flood of content about “eldest daughter syndrome” fits perfectly into the media of the day because a rising tide in our discourse is the notion that being expected to care for other people is traumatic or even harmful.

This notion that it’s vaguely sexist to impose a duty to care on the oldest daughter creates an interesting tension with the also popular notion that it’s sexist to impose a duty to care on the oldest son.

Combine these two, and you begin to see a broader worldview: Nobody should be expected or asked to care for anyone else.

Check out this headline, warning grandparents from spending too much time with their grandchildren: “Think Twice, Grandma, Before You Become the Nanny.”

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And consider the chorus of voices from the Democratic Party assuming that no parent should dedicate their days to raising their children.

It’s a dark worldview that holds individual autonomy as the highest good and leaves no room for love.