I think a lot about parenting in public because our over-individualistic, autonomy-worshipping, and increasingly child-averse culture has created a child-unfriendly public square. Social media has given a platform to folks who want to tell you that your own kids are entirely your problem and you have no right to make them anyone else’s problem by bringing them into public.
I’ve argued that common decency should compel airline passengers, for instance, to give up their seat to allow parents to sit with their children.
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“Yes, if you buy a particular seat, you are entitled to that seat,” I wrote in April. But “just because you have a property right doesn’t mean you ought to exercise it or that it’s unreasonable for someone to ask you to give it up.”
In light of recent events, I feel the need to add a modification, and provide a message for parents: You don’t always have to, or get to, sit in the same row as your kids.
Here’s the recent event in question:
https://www.tiktok.com/@myconquering/video/7254185312099011886
Today.com framed the whole issue as a question of, “Should solo air travelers have to switch seats to accommodate families?”
That’s not the real issue here, though. Again, I think generally solo air travelers should move seats to accommodate families. But that’s a generally and a should, not an always and a have to.
In this particular case, as relayed by the solo traveler, there are many facts that cut against the mother here.
The first problem regards the unfairness vis-à-vis the solo passenger: Mom was trying to get the solo traveler to give up a window seat for a middle seat.
The bigger problem, in my mind, was that the mom didn’t really have a good reason to ask for an accommodation.
First, she was reportedly sitting right behind her two children. She could tap either of them on the head, hand them food or anything they needed, relay information, ask them questions, all very easily.
More importantly, her children were not young! They were about 11 and 15, by the estimation of the solo traveler. An 11-year-old, sitting with his older brother or sister, does not in normal circumstances need mom right there next to him.
In fact, children today generally need more independence — more time trying to figure out the world and dealing with other adults without mom or dad literally sitting next to them.
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Again, I believe that our culture is insufficiently accommodating of all sorts of things, particularly children and families. But the accommodation requested here was unneeded. I’m not saying it wouldn’t have been nice to offer, and if I were in a generous mood I might have done so.
On the other hand, maybe this solo traveler did this family a favor by helping the kids and parents develop some independence from one another.