We often accuse the left of being 'theater kids,' but maybe it's time to tell them that we didn't mean for them to take it literally. 

Then again, when you are a Congressman who believes that an island can tip over if the military puts tanks on it, maybe it's impossible for you to NOT take everything literally. 

In June, Rep. Hank Johnson made the internet's ears bleed by dropping his theme song to the 'No Kings' protests. Some might say the song was unnecessary since, you know, we don't actually have any kings in America, but who knows? Maybe Johnson just wanted to punish us.

We regret to announce, however, that the punishments will continue until morale improves. 

Last night, Johnson pulled out his trusty guitar again to drop the follow-up single that no one -- absolutely no one -- asked for: 'Release the Epstein Files.'

We're sorry to do this to our readers' ears, but you know the rules. Watch: 

Yikes. 

We're not sure what our least favorite part is. The halting, incompetent guitar playing, the nails-on-a-chalkboard fake, falsetto voice, or the utter hypocrisy of Democrats now demanding to see the Epstein files after they had four years under Joe Biden to release them. 

Yes, listening to Yoko Ono would be a reprieve after being forced to listen to Johnson for even that short minute. 

We need new Nuremberg Trials for that abomination. 

Johnson isn't the only one treating the Epstein Files like a joke just because the left wants to throw anything they can at President Trump. Eric Swalwell, almost certainly on orders from his CCP handlers, has been as well. 

Because, of COURSE, Swalwell has been. 

Thank you, MK Hammer. Where is John Belushi when you need him? 

There are legitimate criticisms against Attorney General Pam Bondi and how she has bungled this issue. 

The Democrats, least of all Johnson, are not the people to make them. 

Guam took the easy way out. 

Exactly our reaction. 

Yes. That, too. 

Do NOT mention those two in the same sentence ever again. 

The memo to clean out your desk would arrive almost immediately. And, unlike useless State Department bureaucrats, you would not be given a tearful farewell. 

We've got $20 riding on his name rhyming with 'Blavid Smogg.'

We need to find lots and lots of gauze to pack our ears. 

We do feel bad about making our readers watch another cringe music video from Rep. Johnson, though. 

We thought we'd try to make up for it by ending with some skilled guitar playing. 

That's more like it. And it's the least we could do. 

But yes, the Congressman does also suck at his day job. 

Aside from this latest cringe from the Democrats, we've seen some rumblings that we may get access to more Epstein information soon. 

We hope that's true and it does happen. But if it does, the absolute LAST person on Earth we will thank for it will be Hank 'Guam' Johnson. 

We're more likely to sue him for causing everyone irreparable auditory harm twice in less than a month.