


Welcome to this week's edition of 'We Are SO Glad We Live In America and Not There.'
Our honorary country for this episode is ... the United Kingdom.
Oh, sure, there are plenty of reasons not to live in the UK. They put people in jail for mean tweets, they encourage kids to rat on their families and friends for 'misinformation,' and then, of course, there are the groomer gangs.
Also, they don't know how to spell words like 'color' and 'labor' properly.
Of all the reasons we are proud to be Americans and not Brits, however, we never thought that NOT putting yogurt on our windows would be one of them.
OK, first of all, see what we mean about the spelling? The word is spelled 'yogurt.' There's no silly H in there.
Secondly, WTF???
We thought this must be a parody 'study,' but no. It's real. The BBC even reported on the Brits' new 'cultured' cooling system.
He said: 'We can't get houses to cool down during the day.
'That's a real problem for a lot of people, so we've started to look at shading solutions, stopping sun getting into your house during the day.'
In May, Dr Roberts and PhD student Niloo Todeh-Kharman conducted an experiment on two identical test houses at Loughborough University by putting yoghurt on the windows of one, but not the other.
The experiment found the indoor temperature of the house with yoghurt on the windows was on average 0.6C cooler, but up to a maximum of 3.5C cooler when it was 'hot and sunny.'
According to Dr Roberts, the yoghurt forms a thin film on the window itself and reflects some of the incoming solar radiation as it is a light colour.
He told the BBC the yoghurt smells for '30 seconds when drying' but that as soon as it has dried "the smell disappears".
Umm ... how about shades? Have the British heard of shades? Or shutters?
We know they haven't heard of air conditioning.
We're pretty sure curtains don't smell at all, not even for 30 seconds.
Unless someone spills those gross mushy peas on them.
Oddly, the experiment didn't provide any solutions for getting crusty, dried yogurt OFF your windows.
That might require a separate study.
The police will only arrest you for yogurt on your windows if you write a prayer or a Star of David on it with your finger.
Hey, now. Slow down. Let's not get too advanced. We're pretty sure the U.K. just discovered email a few months ago.
It goes without saying that air conditioning units are a foreign concept to Europeans. That's why the U.S. had to send over our own units for our athletes in the Paris Olympics.
A broken husk of a former empire. We can't help but be proud of the fact that we helped them on their road to ruin nearly 250 years ago.
This spring, Spain proudly boasted about going 100 percent renewable. Then, six days later, they had to declare a state of emergency when a massive blackout caused millions to lose power.
But sure. Yogurt is the answer.
As if we care what their opinions of us are. We're too busy being cool in the summer to care.
Also, we have ice cubes.
We could probably conquer the entire nation with some Otter Pops and a few battery-powered mini-fans.
HA!
(That HP sauce is pretty tasty, though. We'll give them that. Colman's mustard too.)
These are the important questions we demand answers to. Hopefully, it's raspberry.
If only the fellas from Monty Python were still who they once were, and not the angry old cranks they've become.
They would have had a field day with this back in their heyday.
That's it! Yoplait is planning on taking over!
Ba-ZING!
Bear in mind, the Brits are coming up with these crazy ideas because of a summer 'heat wave' where temperatures have been in the 80s. (In other words, just summer.)
They wouldn't survive a day in the Texas summer heat. Not even with gallons of yogurt.
But at least they might be able to eat some decent food for the first time ever.