Valentine's Day is just around the corner, Twitchy readers. Are you ready? Yeah, neither are we.
But in case you had your heart (or hearts, in this instance) set on a nice romantic weekend getaway destination to celebrate the annual paean to love -- and Build-A-Bears -- lucky for you, Eventbrite is here to help.
Never you mind that Napa Valley trip, or a ski weekend in Aspen, or the nice, warm beaches of Key West. Nope, according to Eventbrite, the most romantic city in the U.S. is ... Baltimore?
Now granted 'Charm City' does have a nice nickname and all, but have the people at Eventbrite BEEN to Baltimore in the past ... couple of decades? We're guessing no.
In case you were curious, here are some stats about the current romantic conditions in Maryland's jewel of a city:
But hey, it's not so bad if you enjoy all that crime by candlelight with a nice bottle of champagne. Right, Eventbrite? In their defense, maybe they were too busy removing conservative events from their platform to look at the data.
Needless to say, Twitter very much endorsed this selection of Baltimore (... NOT) and offered some date suggestions characteristic of Charm City.
Do the carjackers let you hang on to the leftover crab cakes you had in the back seat?
Better make reservations for that neighborhood. They get all booked up very quickly.
It's kind of like one of those 'challenge dates.' The challenge, in this case, being to survive.
What a romantic song. Maybe some of Baltimore's huge homeless population can sing it to you.
If she's willing to ignore that just for a smooch, we think she's a keeper.
Now that DOES look like some fun, but it doesn't usually go on the streets the way it does in movies.
Say, that's a good point. Maybe Eventbrite meant Baltimore, Kentucky (yes, that's a real place).
If anyone knows what the city of Baltimore is REALLY like, it's The Wire's Bunk Moreland and Omar Little.
Oof. We should probably pause for a moment to consider Eventbrite's criteria for their ranking. They based it on the number of Valentine's Day events (actual ones, not the hilarious ones Twitter came up with) in each city.
Baltimore offers a TwerkFit class (a Valentine's Day staple, after all), a pizza-making lesson (OK), and numerous speed-dating events. Because nothing says romance like trying to meet 40 people in an hour. Might as well just swipe on Match for that 60 minutes.
Seriously though, can you imagine going to a speed-dating event ON Valentine's Day? That sounds like one of the circles of hell. One of the really bad ones.
In any event, Twitter still wasn't buying it.
We think even people in Baltimore were wondering what Eventbrite was smoking ... and which corner they could visit to get some.
But if you're not sold on Baltimore, as Twitter clearly wasn't, here are the other cities that made it into Eventbrite's top 5 most romantic locations:
Great list, Eventbrite. Just outstanding.
Or maybe the best policy for you and your significant other to follow for Valentine's Day destination ideas is to ignore Eventbrite completely.
Come to think of it, that's a great policy for EVERY day.