It's waaaaaay too early on a holiday to try and process this story, but try we will.
We'll start by saying that we had no idea that -- checks notes -- asparagus fortune tellers were a thing, but they apparently are.
And one of them, 'asparamancer' Jemima Packington, says Trump will have a 'major health scare' this year:
Spears the deal.
The world’s only 'asparamancer' — who claims to to be able to see into the future by tossing a handful of asparagus into the air and observing the way it lands — predicts a major health scare for president-elect Donald Trump in the coming months.
Jemima Packington, 68, who correctly predicted major events such as the Queen’s death and Brexit has revealed her top predictions for 2025, saying the world is in for a series of surprises.
Besides the eyebrow-raising news about the soon-to-be Commander-in-chief, the veggie voyeur anticipates more deaths in Britain’s royal family — and the arrest of some high-profile celebrities.
Donald Trump is 78. We'd be surprised if he didn't have a health scare, frankly. Also, this writer would argue almost getting shot in the head qualifies as a major health scare.
As for the other predictions, well, King Charles III has had cancer for a while so predicting his death isn't exactly difficult, and celebrities getting arrested happens.
But 'asparamancer' gotta get paid, we guess.
Really some bold predictions here.
Exactly.
They've done nothing to make us take them seriously.
Heh.
This made us chuckle.
No idea.
Yup.
The asparagus is probably more reliable, honestly.
And in case you were wondering, 'asparamancers' read asparagus by throwing the vegetable and interpreting the shapes and patterns they make.
This writer has no asparagus handy, but she predicts 2025 is gonna be wild.