In this week’s main event, live from the arena of the absurd, we present SMACKDOWN ‘25: Baldwin vs. Huckabee — the battle of wits between a man unarmed and a man undeterred.
In the blue corner: Billy Baldwin, best known for being not Alec, tweeting from the Hollywood hills, sipping overpriced oat milk, and courageously firing off slogans like “Free Palestine.” (Also brave: resisting the urge to Google what that phrase actually means.) Yet in a stunning display of moral gymnastics worthy of Cirque du Soleil, he also solemnly declares: “Of course Hamas must be destroyed.”
Ah, yes — Free Palestine, but also destroy Hamas. That’s like saying, “I support ending organized crime... but bring back Al Capone.” It’s as if Baldwin is playing both arsonist and firefighter, lighting rhetorical Molotovs while holding a garden hose and wondering why the place is still on fire.
Let’s unpack this slogan for a second. “Free Palestine” is the PR agency-approved version of Heil Hitler. Yes, I said it. Because when you strip it down, what’s being advocated by Hamas, and echoed by mobs waving that slogan in London, New York, and every university quad with a drum circle, is this: erase the Jews, erase Israel. That’s not liberation — that’s annihilation with a hashtag.
If you’re unfamiliar with Hamas’s charter (and we know Baldwin isn’t — too many big words), it reads less like a political document and more like Mein Kampf with a crescent moon. It openly calls for the elimination of Israel and the death of Jews, not just in the Middle East but everywhere. You can’t say “Free Palestine” and “destroy Hamas” in the same breath any more than you can say, “I support women’s rights” while wearing a Taliban T-shirt. It’s not nuanced — it’s nonsense.
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Enter, stage right, Ambassador Mike Huckabee. Not a Hollywood heartthrob (though let’s be honest, Mike’s bass guitar solos would smoke Billy’s resume any day), but a man grounded in the crazy little thing called reality. Huckabee, speaking plainly, made the case this week that the violence in Gaza “could have and should already be over.”
That’s not just the truth. That’s a mic drop.
Because had Hamas not spent October 7th gleefully livestreaming the slaughter of civilians — babies beheaded, grandmothers kidnapped, women raped — we wouldn’t be here. Had Hamas accepted a ceasefire (or, you know, not hidden under hospitals and schools), this war would have ended before Billy’s tweet hit 10 likes.
Instead, we’re watching the same script unfold: terrorists hide behind civilians, Israel responds surgically and morally, and then suddenly it’s a PR war. Cue the emotionally manipulative footage, the celebrity activism, and Bono composing another bad poem.
And now, to make things even more French, President Macron (the man who once lectured America on liberty while banning free speech in his own country) is trying to push Palestinian statehood through the UN like a toddler forcing a square peg into a flaming hole.
Ambassador Huckabee wasn’t having it. He slammed the French-backed scheme, pointing out — in adult terms — that America and Israel are inseparably linked. Translation: the people who build Iron Dome defense systems and the people who invented the USB stick probably shouldn’t take moral guidance from wine-sipping bureaucrats whose own suburbs have become war zones.
But Baldwin? He’s still in the ring, bobbing and weaving, hoping a slogan will do the trick. In his tweet, he writes:
“Some of us are capable of doing both. Standing up for Palestinian civilians and condemning Hamas. If you can't do that... you're part of the problem.”
Billy, buddy, let me help: Hamas is Palestinian governance. They were elected. They run Gaza. They steal aid, they use children as shields, and they fire rockets from playgrounds. They are the problem. If you think you can surgically “stand up for civilians” without confronting the fact that those civilians are being held hostage by their own government, you’re not part of the solution. You’re part of the brunch crowd writing checks to groups that pass them straight to Tehran.
The problem with Hollywood activists isn’t just that they’re uninformed — it’s that they’re proud of it. They confuse volume with virtue. And while Billy Baldwin struts through Twitter like he just solved Middle East peace, it’s grownups like Huckabee — and leaders like Trump — who are actually taking the calls and making the deals.
Because this isn’t theoretical, it’s existential. Israel is fighting a war it didn’t ask for, one it warned the world was coming, and one it’s fighting with more moral restraint than any other nation would show if faced with the same savagery. And every time some celebrity with more stylists than IQ points decides to lecture us on “justice,” the real injustice is that the victims — Israeli and Palestinian — become props for likes and retweets.
So here’s the bottom line: Billy Baldwin can remain smug. That’s his right in a free country — one that exists because adults defend it. But knowing facts and having adults in posts like the ambassador and POTUS are the only way that humanity will survive.