If you still get distracted in prayer, still get angry unreasonably, still dread lots of tasks that you should be doing—take your focus off the feelings. Instead, ask yourself: do I know what I should be doing? If not, pray to God to show you.
Two truths of the Christian life: First, self-reflection is a healthy practice. Second, self-reflection is a frustrating practice. Whether it’s on a retreat, or just a daily examination of conscience, we often ask ourselves: Am I getting any better at this? Sadly, the answer often seems the same: not much.
That’s certainly how it seems, at least. Often, we look at ourselves and recognize the same faults as always. Perhaps we still get distracted in prayer. We still get angry unreasonably. We still feel quite a bit of dread at unpleasant jobs, long research papers, and tedious chores. All of this can be pretty discouraging. We might say to ourselves, “I’m the one person I can’t get away from, so it would be nice if I were more pleasant to be around!” In short, I wish I were better. Why am I this way?
The promise of the Christian life is conformity to Christ through the healing and elevation that grace brings. It often seems like this conformity is a long way off and isn’t getting any closer—that God isn’t just “taking his time” as he sanctifies us, but that he’s actually stopped.
I think these thoughts come from looking at the Christian life in the wrong way.
This reflection arose from my musings on our Ethics class last spring. Here’s a summary of the philosophy behind this practical point I’m making.
Aristotle points out that moral uprightness comes in four general degrees. Vice is disorder in one’s mind, will, and feelings. The vicious man chooses what is evil and delights in it, calling evil “good” and good “evil.” We think here of the treasurer who embezzles without repentance.
Second is weakness of will, characterized by disorder in the will and feelings. Like the vicious man, the weak-willed man habitually commits wicked deeds because his desires lead him astray. However, he differs from the wicked man in knowing that his actions and feelings are disordered. He often desires to do right but just as often fails to really change. The weak-willed treasurer wants to be honest but can’t keep his hands out of company money.
The continent man has a good mind and will, but still experiences conflict because his desires are often disordered. Nevertheless, the continent man often acts in accord with his better judgment, avoiding wicked actions and carrying out good ones. The continent treasurer would like to snag just a few thousand dollars for a family trip but manages to control himself.
Virtue is characterized by order and uprightness in all parts of the person. The mind knows what is right, the feelings and passions desire it, and the will chooses it consistently. Virtue leads to peace, since all the parts of the person are in harmony. The virtuous treasurer has no desire to take money that isn’t his. He recognizes that it might be nice to have some extra cash lying around, but has no inclination toward getting it dishonestly.
I include this explanation of the moral life because it helps us to understand our own lives and spares us from needless distress over our lack of progress. Because our passions are more sharply felt than our thoughts and choices, we often focus on our feelings when thinking about whether we’re actually better today than we were a year ago. This is a mistake. True uprightness begins in good thoughts, produces good choices, and forms good passions, in that order. The incontinent man is better than the vicious man by right thinking, the continent better than the incontinent by right action, and the virtuous better than the continent by right passions.
The point is that our passions shouldn’t be the main object of our concern. The time for their correction comes fairly “late in the game” in the movement from continence to virtue. Feeling good about doing good takes a long time! So it shouldn’t surprise us that our passions are out of whack if we’re still trying to consistently think and act rightly. We should examine our thoughts and deeds, learn to do what is right, and ask God for the grace to do it.
If you still get distracted in prayer, still get angry unreasonably, still dread lots of tasks that you should be doing—take your focus off the feelings. Instead, ask yourself: do I know what I should be doing? If not, pray to God to show you. Then ask: do I do what’s right most of the time? If not, focus on that second. Fixation on the passions generally leads to discouragement rather than reform. Focus on what’s in your power right now. On review, you may even find that things have improved more than you thought.
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Republished with gracious permission from Dominicana (August 2025).
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Image: Library of Congress, Emile Berliner in Mirrors