Every few years I offer a political identity test for those overburdened — and confused — by the era’s 24/7 media onslaught. It is intended to bring readers a sense of inner peace and make it all make sense for the angst-ridden among us.

Instructions are quite easy. Which side do you fall on?

Dorsey’s Twitter — Musk’s Twitter

Ben & Jerry’s — Chick-fil-A

Starbucks — Black Rifle Coffee

Catch and release — Remain in Mexico

Cashless bail — Cash bail

“Feel the Bern” — “Live Free or Die”

Soros — Kochs

Ballot harvesting — Photo ID

Renewables — Fracking

NEA — School choice

Pelosi — McCarthy

Hollywood — Dollywood

Newsom — DeSantis

Kaepernick — Brady

Speech codes — Speech

Math is racist — Math is… math

Participation trophies — Scoreboards

Delaware basement — Mar-a-Lago

1619 Project — 1776 Project

Maddow — Tucker

Milley — Schwarzkopf

LeBron — Jordan

Harry’s Razors — Jeremy’s Razors

Kerr — Belichick

Jan. 6, 2021 — Nov. 8, 2016

Springsteen — Kid Rock

Hanks — Eastwood

Facebook — Breitbart

Wind — Whales

Happy Holidays — Merry Christmas

Those who chose the right-hand column more than half of the time will likely feel more at home watching Fox News or Newsmax. Those who chose the left-hand column the majority of the time should probably stay tuned to CNN or MSNBC.

For those who split 50/50, I have good and bad news.

Your independence (and vote) is highly valued by both political parties. Yet, the middle of the road remains a dangerous place. Broken white lines, dead animals and fearful politicians tend to congregate there. It’s simply not a “safe space.” Jus’ sayin’.

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