By God’s design, every child has two parents. But in our imperfect world, many women find themselves alone, and not by choice. For some, their partner just left. For others, their partner died. For me, it was domestic violence — if I had stayed any longer, I would be dead.  

Part of the struggle as a single mother is the stigma.

Mean people act like a single mom is a loser or a floozy. Single moms often fall outside social circles — not free like a single person with no children and not connected like couples. For those with no family support, it can be lonely and exhausting, trying to make the bills and be everywhere at once so the children can have a decent childhood.

Children of single mothers know their experience is different from their peers. They must fend for themselves more often, grow up a bit quicker, and develop resilience, because there is no other choice.

The truth is, life is easier when there are two parents in the home. The world needs more men willing to be stepfathers.

But the stepdad role is not for every man. It takes added sensitivity to understand, whether entering a family with the father totally out of the picture, or one with shared custody and an involved father, either way, this is a family with wounds that need healing. It means navigating relationships not just with mom, but with the kids, their dad, and grandparents, without hurting anyone.

Stepfathers — the good ones — intuitively know that when you truly love someone, you care about the things — and people — they care about. To love a single mother, you must wholeheartedly love her children too.

Here is how.

Marry their mother. Children need stability that living together on a trial basis cannot provide. Commit to being a family.

Provide financially as if they are your own. Be prepared to pay for food, haircuts, summer camp, the band uniform, a few bucks for pizza with friends, and to co-sign the college loans. Pay without inflicting guilt. Childhood is not forever. Make it a good one.

Engage in their life but make room for their dad. If the scout pinewood derby is coming up, let their dad have the first opportunity to help make the car. But if they can’t or won’t, step in to help. Make your home a place where kids feel safe talking about their father and never speak badly about him.

Do the mundane things. Drive the kids places. Pick them up, drop them off, cook dinner, tell lame dad jokes, listen to them, guide them, meet their needs.

Lead with faith. Pray with the family, bring them to church, show them the powerful healing that God offers.

Parenting is a thankless job, and that is more so for stepfathers who don’t get a lot of credit on Father’s Day.

The wonderful man who completed my family got that credit a few years ago from our daughter’s dad.

After she announced she was getting married, her dad immediately called her stepdad and asked if he would join him in walking her down the aisle. Stepdad agreed, but only halfway. He asked her dad to start walking because stepdad was not there in the beginning of her life. He joined them halfway down the aisle and kept them steady for the rest of the journey. At the reception, there were two father-daughter dances, honoring what each man brought to her life.

Let’s hear it this Father’s Day for stepfathers, who accept children as their very own from the beginning, so there is never any question about how genuine their love is. Let’s hear it for the men who vow to be a dad to children who really need to see what a good dad looks like.

Thank you for making our broken families whole.