The review, perhaps correctly, noted that the film “reeks of obligation and noble intentions,” but lost most people when it continued to say “joy, fun, mystery, risk, flavor, kink — they’re missing.”

“The new, live-action ‘The Little Mermaid’ is everything nobody should want in a movie: dutiful and defensive, yet desperate for approval. It reeks of obligation and noble intentions. Joy, fun, mystery, risk, flavor, kink — they’re missing,” the review begins. “The movie is saying, ‘We tried!’ Tried not to offend, appall, challenge, imagine. A crab croons, a gull raps, a sea witch swells to Stay Puft proportions: This is not supposed to be a serious event. But it feels made in anticipation of being taken too seriously. Now, you can’t even laugh at it.”

The reviewer complained that there was not enough “carnality,” which of course, is defined as “feeling morbid sexual desire or a propensity to lewdness.”

“The brown skin and placeable accents don’t make the movie more fun, just utopic and therefore less arguable. Now, what you’ve got is something closer to the colorblind wish fulfillment of the Shonda Rhimes streaming universe, minus the wink-wink, side-eye and carnality,” the reviewer continued.

Naturally, the review was not well-received on social media.

Augason Farms Lunch and Dinner Variety Pail Emergency Food Supply 4-Gallon Pail

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24% Off $99.99 $75.07 (as of May 30, 2023 06:50 GMT +00:00 - More infoProduct prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on [relevant Amazon Site(s), as applicable] at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product.)

Ready Hour, Fruit & Veggie Mix, Real Non-Perishable Freeze-Dried Food, 30-Year Shelf Life, Portable Emergency and Adventure Food Supply, Durable Flood Safe Container, 56 Servings

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Grizzly Gear Emergency Food Rations- 3600 Calorie Blueberry Bar - 3 Day, 72 Hour Supply For Disaster, Hurricane, Flood Preparedness - Less Sugar, More Nutrients Than Leading Brands - 5 Year Shelf Life

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ReadyWise Emergency Food Supply, Freeze-Dried Survival Food for Emergencies, Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, and Drink Mix, 1 Bucket, 25-Year Shelf Life, 52 Servings Total

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ReadyWise Emergency Food Supply, Freeze-Dried Survival Food for Emergencies, Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner Entrées, 1 Bucket, 25-Year Shelf Life, 124 Servings Total

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